TWILIGHT?

Ahh yes i say that one sweet little word TWILIGHT and everyone turns there head and tunes in.  Yes we all know the story of Bella and her Leading men Edward and Jacob.  Being torn between the two not wanting to betray her friend who was there for her Jacob or the love of her life Edward. The heart throbs of the todays movie screen have nothing on these two.  One only being seventeen has made many of the adult woman in American pedafiles. Dreaming of him in ways that a grown woman shouldn't dream about a boy only seventeen, and the other a pale skinned man who until now no one  knew nothing about takes the world by surprise with his version of a Vampire. Then you have Bella this pale girl whom she cant really make up her mind if she would rather be with Edward or Jacob only marrying Edward in a fit of knowing the Jacob will always be there no matter what because as part of the dog family he is loyal and will never stray.

Taking into heart that i never thought i would enjoy just a high school drama this has turned into being one of the best sagas i have read.  Suspense around every corner new characters being added around every turn.  I couldn't put the the books down.  With two of them now on disc we turn to Eclipse to take its place on the big screen June 30 2010!

As we know most of the American woman have been divided into two groups, Team Edward the dead cold blood sucking love of Bella's life, or Team Jacob the dirty meat eating lovable wolf who stood by Bella's side when Edward abandoned her.

Go out get the books watch the movies get in tune with 80 percent of american woman and pick a team for Pete's sake!

DRAMA

Love this subject for many reasons. People eat, breath and live drama. People crave it want it need it.  For some and most people drama is a drug, it gets addicting they have to have it everyday.  I am telling you people get sucked into without even knowing they got sucked into it.  People wake up roll out of bed and say to themselves whos life can i fuck up or get in the middle of today? Who can i find that i can tell this secrete that i wasn't suppose to tell anyone about?  Who can i suck into shit hole i have created for myself today? I am telling you the drama seekers out there want attention they need it they crave it. They just dont know how to get it in a more productive way.  They need to have like a DAA (drama addicts Anonymous)!

 When it is all said and done we are adults now, GROW THE FUCK UP and get yourself out of that high school mentality.

Sams Adventures 7 (we lost Sam)

So it finally happen the fear struck in when i realized Sam was gone!  I know i am going to end up on animal cops. I would have had posters made with a reward but come on how many people would bring me a rock and try to claim it? I screamed and looked everywhere i could think of a rock to be hiding.  After about an hour i gave up on searching for him and went back to the car.  With the sun beating down in my car windows it was boiling hot in there.  I sat down tossed the mail in the passenger seat and notice a limp lifeless thing in the floorboard of the passenger side.  It was Sam! I forgot to even get him out of the car. I frantically reached down and picked him up. I rushed home and put him some water hoping to cool his poor body down.  Finally after about 2 minutes he was okay. After getting yelled at by a rock for half an hour i said i was sorry and told him i would never do it again. He did however say thank you for bringing his dead lifeless rock body back to life.

Hopefully i dont leave him anywhere again. DAMN THAT SAM!

Bathrooms

I brought this up cause recently we went to the San Francisco Zoo.  Once we arrived Gavin was begging and screaming to go to the bathroom.  So I gave in and took him first thing. First of all we get there and i open a door to one bathroom and there is a man standing there pissing.  Yes I saw ass and everything. The man wasn't even surprised he looked at me and smiled like ya whats up.  I quickly shut the door and laughed.  Finally we get into the bathroom and its disgusting.  I told Gavin not to touch ANYTHING, i pull a paper towel out and helped him wash his hands as soon as we got out of there i poured a huge amount of hand sanitizer in our hands.

Here are a few tips!
Unfortunately for ladies we don't have the ability to stand while using a public restroom. When forced to use these bathrooms we are exposing ourselves to millions of dangerous bacteria. A pocket size anti-bacterial gel is a must have when navigating the nastiness that is public restrooms. Purchase several and keep one on you at all times. Take a full size bottle for road trips and any other time when it is likely that a public restroom will be your only option.


Carry your own stack of paper towels because you can't always count on the restroom to be well stocked. Don't depend on automatic air dryers. In fact avoid them all together. Bacteria collects on the air dryer and is then deposited right onto your waiting hands.


Whenever possible choose to use the first stall as it is the least used and will contain less bacteria then the others.


Before sitting on a public toilette you have three options. The best would be to use a napkin and a dab of your own hand sanitizer to wipe down the seat and handle before sitting down. The next best option would be to use a seat cover if one is provided. The worst but sometimes necessary is to cover the seat with toilette paper. If you have to use this option be careful that no toilette paper is stuck to you when you stand up. When your all finished up use your elbow or a bit of toilette paper bunched up to flush the toilette.


Do not touch the sanitary napkin disposal unit with your bare hands. Always bunch up toilette paper and use it to lift the lid. The disposal unit is one of the filthiest and least often cleaned objects in a public restroom.


After washing your hands use a paper towel or toilette paper to turn off the faucet.


Always use paper towels to dry your hands instead of air dryers as explained in step 2. Avoid setting your purse on the floor and if you drop something wash and sanitize the item as well as your hands after picking it up. (brought to you by an ehow member)


Happy Pissing Everyone!

Sams Adventures 6

I have to say that i am very impressed with Sams skill in making such a device, but i countered it with a hat i made out of tin foil. (ill post pics soon) I can not keep but wondering about his mother. I know she sits under a tree right outside my door, but i feel like i should say sorry or something. 

Sam has become more and more controlling. Always questioning me where i am going when i will be back. I think he is plotting something more sinister then mind control. I came home the other day to find a huge pile of rocks sitting out by the curb. Either he has a sweet ass poker game,or he is plotting to take over the world.

 I feel like i have opened pandoras box, and i am in to deep to get it closed again.  I am going to sit up cameras around the place to see if i can catch Sam in action. I will let you know what i find. Hopefully i don't get caught and i will be able to tell you. I think if i leave my hat on ill be good, maybe i should make some for the rest of the family?

DAMN THAT SAM!

Kids

For all of you parents out there. Kids are ruling todays world. I am telling you as a stay at home nothing to do but blog mother i have a lot of time to sit and watch parents and other children. I am telling you its not the parents in charge anymore. Its come to being afraid to keep your kids in line. So they give into there kids every demand.

My all time favorite are the kids who scream bloody murder throw themselves on the floor and the parents walk over pick them up and give them what they want.  I am have a more southern approach i just leave them there and walk away.  They eventually get up and thats the end of it.

Im not saying ABUSE im saying putting your foot down and letting your kids know to get repsect they need to give it. I am not saying my kids are perfect cause its an everyday battle, but i am not going to give in and kiss there ass everyday to make them happy.

Sam oh Sam

So i think his mind control device worked. For some reason i ate a whole box of girl scout cookies... DAMN THAT SAM!

Sams Adventures 5

Oh Sam, poor lil Sam. I caught him in the process of constructing what looked like one of stewies (family guy) mind control devices.  I sat back and peeked at him through the door to the washroom.  Very slowly,with no arms may i add, he piecing this thing together. I backed away and got the kids in the car and took Gavin to school. Upon on my return he was out of the washroom, and sitting on the couch staring at me with like this evil glare.   I wonder if he will keep to his word that i overheard him talking to his mother about keeping us his pets.
 

I am afraid to ask him about this.   How should i approach him with the accusations of mind control?

DAMN THAT SAM!

Husbands

Everyone needs one! They do these amazing tricks like leave clothes all over the place, leave there snack stuff on the counter, my favorite is when they cant see something right in front of there faces.

I'm kidding men, we love you. Me as a woman and being married to my husband it is one of the best things i have done for myself in a long time.  I am not saying ladies its all rainbows and kisses, cause its far from it.  Its more work then you ever thought it would be, but who ever said that the good things come easy? 

So stop sitting here thinking should i marry him should i not. Just SHUT UP and wait for the poor sap to propose, and take that giant leap and bag yourself a husband.

Sams Adventures 4

I took Sam out for a walk on Saturday, and what to my surprise his mother showed up. I didn't want to eves drop but i think it went something like this.

"Sam that is what these alien beings are calling you"?

"Yes mother, and don't be so rude she has been good to me when you have failed".

"Me fail, what did i ever do to you"?

"You kept me from world domination, we outnumber these humans. We can take over and make them our slaves".

"Listen to this crazy talk, we are nothing but rocks, we have no arms, or legs we shouldn't even me talking".

"You mother are just a mer rock, me i am an alpha rock, i do talk, i do somewhat walk, and i do not have arms but i do get what i want".

"You have completely lost your stones "SAM" i think you need to come back with me".

"No mother i am to stay with the human until i fulfill my dream, and then maybe i will keep her and her family as a pet".

"I will have no part in this, good luck and you will never see me again".

"We will see about that".

I slowly walked backwards trying to get back into the apt before he saw me, hoping to get the door shut and lock him out, but being a rock he rolled much faster then i could sneak.  Well SHIT DAMN THAT SAM!

Sams Adventures 3

So new day new start.  I woke up to find Sam getting in the garbage this morning.  I spanked his lil rock butt, and preceded to tell him what he was doing was wrong. When much to my surprise Sam spoke.

"Who the HELL,  do you think you are,  coming in here and spanking me when i was doing nothing but looking for some sweet grub"?

Taken by surprise i just turned and walked out taking a moment to try and comprehend if a damn rock just spoke to me or if i am truly loosing my mind. Walking back in the kitchen he was sitting there staring at me like he was waiting for a response.  I told him, i was sorry if he wanted something to eat instead of digging for last nights pork he should have came to me and just simply ASKED.

With the new found knowledge of Sams ability to speak. I am not looking forward to having him around. I thought i was just getting a ordinary rock, but i think i was cursed with the spawn of all spawns of rocks. Damn That Sam!

Sam oh Sam

I have had many people tell me the Sam story is a must. So i recant and ill keep Sam and keep on blogging.

American way?

Dont think this will be some rant how america is falling and crumbling around us. Nope find another blog for that one. I am just letting you know how we as people get pressured into things.

Our society has drilled into us that you have to get married, buy a house, get your dream car, dog and then kids. I understand religion plays a huge part in marriage before kids (which i agree 100%). I would like to know what constitutes white trash? Why is that because you have a child first, get married, never buy a house, get the car you can AFFORD.  You are looked down upon as a sewer rat that needs to be exterminated.

First i think buying a home is a luxury not a necessity.  I dont think because you drive a 10 year old car your dont matter, and i damn sure dont think because you had kids before you got married your beneath me.

I think today people have a skewed vision of what your suppose to be, what your suppose to do, and how your suppose to act.  They try everyday to drill it into us, this is the AMERICAN WAY. or is it?

Anymore?

So i was thinking to myself. Maybe i should work on just games, and other misc things on my blog. Sam is a great addition and i know some of you love to hear the stories, but i find myself more drawn the other direction. I would like to extend that i would be more then happy to give Sam up for adoption, if anyone would like to continue his story. I am sorry for this sudden change.

Sams Adventures 2

I Grabbed the blanket and snuggled into it this morning knowing i needed to get up and get started with my day. So i slowly roll out of bed put my feet on the ground and much to my half awake surprise there sat Sam. Looking at me,staring at me like it was my fault that he himself decided to leave me.

So i reach down and scold him for leaving a trail of heartbroken tears behind. He then preceded to run off.  I decided for now the best place for my lil Sam would be outisde on the balcony.  I have lil time for him today, so i gave him some dirt and water, and hunted down his lil friend. 

Hopefully when i return from my errands today he is still there. Damn that Sam!

Sams Adventures

Damn that Sam! I think now to myself taking in a rock was a bad idea, more trouble then what you would expect a rock to be. I walk into the kitchen to find a nice lil suprise on the floor and let me tell you it wasn't a snickers bar. Yes everyone Sam had his first accident on my kitchen floor a big ol fat poop.

That was just the start of it all. Then he would not get his stuff together so we could go and get Gavin, so needless to say he stayed at home in a box.  Upon on my return home from the bank i find that Sam has escaped, and i still at this moment cant seem to locate him. Damn that Sam!

marriage?

How many of you are married? Marriage: a ring, vows, and a piece of paper. Two people standing in front of a crowd confessing everlasting love to one another. All of us who are married can say that its not easy. Its like when you buy a dvd and try to get the damn thing open, you try and try and finally pop the magic happens and the dvd slides right on out of the case. That is marriage, you try and try to make it work, then all of a sudden it all falls into place.

No I am not saying you should never get married its so hard, blah blah blah. I am saying that dont think because you bought her a ring and put it on her finger that she is going to give you back your balls, cause you wont she owns them now and its on paper.

Remember Love, laughter, understanding and lots of sex will help you ease into that journey of the ol ball and chain.

Introducing Sam and his stow away

Here is Sam Surgeo Smith

Sam also had a pet but i dont want to have to take care of something else so his pet had to go.

And now our first picture together.

mamajamba 3

So the quest for the perfect pet rock ened about 2 min ago. I steped outside my front door and sitting there with his lil rock eyes, begging me to take him inside and give him all the love and care i can spare, was SAM. He is a bit rough around the edges but how could i say no.

Yes i adopted a stray rock, hopefully there will be no accidents no home burning, children missing, or cash stolen. I am going to put my trust in this lil guy. Hopefully he will grow into a nice well mannered rock.  So with that in mind i will get some pics and get them posted as soon as i can. Stay tunned for the the adventures of Sam.

Donuts anyone?

mmmm yes, we all know what forbidden breakfast you know the one that will cost you a whole month of dieting. We all know those lil round plump donuts topped stuffed and sometimes fried.


 I am going to share with you a lil secrete place in cameron park, ca. Its a small lil donut shop called DONUTS.  Its on greenvally and cameron park drive, behind the gas station in a tiny lil hideaway. Its small but friendly and you couldn't ask for a more sinnerster donut since the crispy cream. There open at 4 am and close between 2-3.

So if your ever out in cameron park and your looking to gain a few pounds and chomp down on the best donuts ever made. Then loosen your belts, wear your maternity jeans ladies, and come have a donut or two.

Gaming in your home

Hello, yes i am going to hit this with a hammer and take it all the way.  We as a family are gamers. In more depth we are huge xbox gamers. When you sit down with the wireless controller in your hand hit that button and bam the heavens open up, the angels start singing, the green light appears, your tv flickers and on comes the best gaming console in the world.

Yes we all know that feeling of turning on the xbox, knowing your just moments away from a mind blowing gaming experience. Or like most hoping that your boys will not hound you about your last night halo scene you running around with a sticky grenade on your spartan helmet. 

For me sitting down and turning on that console, is instant release from the day. Its like the very first cold beer after a long day of work, just my beer cost me 200+ bucks. The games we choose defines who we are. Me i prefer carnage, shooter games, games that are meant to melt your mind into goo.

So to sum it up go home, take off your shoes strip down to your undies, grab that controller sit back and loose a few brain cells.

mamajamba 2

so i am awake sitting here thinking okay okay so where does one go to find a pet rock, should i go and take a wild rock and tame it? Or should i go to an actual pet store and ask them for an already trained rock? 

I am not going to be able to answer those questions just yet. First i guess i should fig out what breed of rock i would like. Apparently there many types of rocks. Or should i just go find me a good ol never will leave you hard core to loyalty mutt?

Well I am off to get my boy ready for school. Ill keep you posted on how the pet rock adoption comes along.

Battlefield? play much?

Battlefield Bad Company 2, ring a bell? It should if you are a xbox 360 shooter gamer, you will have heard the hype played the demo, and now own the game yourself. A lil more hard to get use to then call of duty, or the ever so famous HALO!

The game is a lil more in depth then just walking around and shooting someone. This game is for those people out there who are looking for that challenge, and really wants to spend the time to find that certain spot you think your safe, then bam taken from behind with some douch running around knifing innocent snipers.

Calm down dont get all excited! There are some draw backs to this game, slower play, harder to play, and you cant lay down for whatever the reason maybe, but if your looking for something different dont mind the one shot kill, or somewhat realistic game play. Then by all means get off the computer and go buy Battlefield Bad Company 2.

Call of Duty

To call or to duty, or is it all backwards duty calls? We all know in the gaming world Call of Duty, first person shooter set in modern day. You walk around with a gun, some claymores, c4 whatever fits you, and then you find some people shoot them yay, your team wins!

Or can we say the game has much more depth then that? Addicting much? Many of you can agree its like pringles you cant just stop at one chip you end up finishing off that shiny tube of chips. With Call of Duty you cant stop at one round you end up gettting sucked into this mindless race to get the best score, the final kill so all your friends can sit in there rooms or living rooms and watch your one spot of glory, they get to watch you make that last kill that sets your team up with the 7500 points to win the match. They all sit around and give you praise on how you got that headshot, or bag you that it took a whole clip to take down one man who was standing perfectly still. 

So what I am saying, is go out buy yourself an xbox 360 and buy Call Of Duty Modern Warfare and sit around in your underwear and try for that kill shot.

mamajamba

Rocks! I have recently discovered the love of rocks! Small rocks, big rocks, medium rocks, smooth, or rough. Rocks rocks rocks. I am on a journey to get a rock, a pet rock. I have a feeling that out of all the pets my pet rock whom i will name Sam, will win the hearts of millions. I will just have to search and find that one perfect rock that will make everyone happy! Has to be well mannered. I dont need a rock that will constantly keep me on my feet. I need one that is not going to be very active. I already have three kids to chase i do not need to add an extra hyper thing to my life. I will keep you all posted on how my rock hunt goes. Ill start bright and early lets say noonish! okay everyone i am off to get two boys in the shower, and to make dinner for one hungry lil girl who i can hear screaming at me at this moment. Wish everyone i happy night and happy blogging! Hope to see you all tomorrow as the journey for the perfect pet rock continues.

Im back

Hello everyone i am back and older, prob non the wiser, but that is part of me! I have had many adventures since my last blog many a year ago! Where to begin, I am ashley, im 25, i have three kids two boys and my one daughter. I am not going to get into my personal life so much, cause there is nothing you really need to know other then i am back and ready to get started on telling you about nothing, im ready to bore the crap out of you but hopefully not to much to where you will never come back! so pass me around lets get this going again!