Secrete love

Around my finger I wrap you,
I pull you tight.

I need you but,
I dont!

You are mine, I own you!
You are used and worn.

You feel good on me,
In love with you I fall but,
My love for you is secrete!

I want you in every color but,
I am dedicated to one.

My Brown, Worn, CONVERSE!

Cigarette

Its hard, your an addiction.
My body craves you.
Your just within reach.

I fight the urge, every fiber of my being screams for you!

One puff,
One smell,
just ONE, no i cant you will consume me!

One second at a time,
I fight you,
my moment of freedom will come and you CIGARETTE ill no longer crave!

( This is for you, you know who you are!)

About me

Hello my readers,

I want to first of all say think you for reading my blog second of all I want to say you will a wide range of Writings on here. I do not stick to one particular style.  It is whatever i see around me that i take in and write about.

Thank you!

Bable

Dark

Warning Dark and Possibly Morbid


My heart rips. The once vibrant life giving muscle is now my destruction, the blood pours.
Tears i fight back, hatred is all that shows. Disgust in every movement.
The pain is stabbing yet a longing release.

Death is knowing, only a tattered thread holds it in place.
Suicide is a forbidden love, always thinking, never can touch always wanting.
Blood begs to be spilled, my veins overflowing.

Destruction is eminent.

destruction

She makes her way through the sea of people, sucking them in one by one.  She is more powerful then a hurricane  more powerful then any tornado, because she strategically cuts her path.

Her rage is like a burn, it comes at you with fierce power, it goes deep.  She doesn't stop she just keeps going. She will destroy you if you are not strong enough.

She cries every night, tears of blood stain her face and clothes.  She does not cry for the people she has hurt, but herself. Not because she feels bad, she has no remorse for what she does or has done.

She cries for the emptiness that now engulfs her.  The loneliness of the night that has taken hold, but she has a glimmer of hope,  knowing that tomorrow will come and her destruction will continue and she will destroy the human lives with more force then the day before.

She is deadly to your soul, she doesn't care you cry. She has no empathy for the weak. She is nothing but destruction.

my taboo baby

I walk into the supermarket and nervously dart to the condom section, peering around every corner trying to see if anyone is watching me.  I am young, nervous, and scared, my eyes dart from side to side trying to search for that little box, that life changing box, the one that will determine my fate. I find it, under the condoms and personal lubricants. It peers at me like judging eyes. I quickly snatch it and tuck it safely under my arm.

I pick up pace and quickly make my way to the check out, where i start praying i will find a female cashier.  My mind races with the thought of what will the results of this little box reveal? I choose my cashier slowly, knowing the older lady will peer at me and sneer at what i am bringing to her, the other younger cashier will understand but as i lay the box in front of her, i get that all knowing look the one i know if this box says yes i will have to live with for the rest of my young life. I collect my bag and bolt out the door.  I run to my b.f's car hopping in and slamming the door.  He drives off knowing in a matter of minutes we will find out if our life is forever altered.

I get out of the car and make my way to the house trying to walk slow enough so it does not look like i am on a mission.  I stumble past my parents and finally to the bathroom.  I shut the door and peer at the girl in the mirror.  You can do this, just open the box. I look down at the pink box i hold tightly in my hands as tears start to roll down my face.  I rip it open and the instructions fall out on the floor.  I pick them up unfold the paper, and begin to read how to preform this task i have in front of me.  

I walk to the toilet sit down and begin the journey.  I place the test on the back of the toilet and walk back to the mirror.  I turn on the water wash my hands, and throw water on my face.  Wake up damn you, you did this to yourself.  What seems like hours were only minutes.  I walk back to the toilet and peer down at the tiny white stick that was peering at me on the back of the toilet.  Pink plus, i grab the paper only to rip it in desperation. Pink plus = positive.  I am pregnant.  I carry a life within me.

I fall to the ground holding my abdomen, thoughts rush through my mind. The option creeps into my mind, but i tuck it slowly away in the dark corners of my 15 year old mind. I walk out and he is standing there, the father of our child, the man who gave me the other half to this life i now need to look after. 

I sit in my room day after day knowing i am now the host to this tiny being in my womb.  This being who i will one day hold in my arms.  I smile knowing i will have someone who will love me no matter what, someone i will get to take care of and show the love my parents so selfishly deprived me of.

The call comes, my school wants to do what, they dare challenge me on this.  I am more scared now then when i plucked that pink box off that shelf. Only one thing i can think of, one simple solution i can think of to keep this from  happening.  I can not and will not do this on my own. That thought i tucked away 12 weeks ago now screams at me.  I must, i have to.  It is done.

I now sit in my room day after day, feeling my abdomen where a life ONCE was, that tiny heartbeat, knowing i will never hold my baby in my arms, never feel the warmth of its skin on mine.  Never to see their eyes open and peer into my soul. Never to feel the tiny hands wrap around my finger. Never to hear the I love you mommy, i so desperately wanted to hear. What if, what if.  I can't let that take hold of me.  I need to be strong for her.  Yes her, i felt the bond, the connection, it was a her. 

I can feel the hatred around me, i do hear the snickers behind my back, but i am strong, i will be strong for you my dear sweet baby.  You are my guiding hope in this hatred filled world, this non understanding, unforgiving world.  You, Ashlyn Marie, are my light, you will forever be in my heart and in my mind.  I will see you and we will be together, rest in piece my beautiful soul.  

Mommy Loves You!

grass is greener?

A ladder some binoculars we have all done it, peeked over the other side of that proverbial fence.
Trying to peer at the one we so desperately think is the right one.

We fight this internal battle with ourselves, guns blazing, swords drawn. Only hoping, wishing, dreaming for that one touch or feel from the other side of that fence, but what is on the other side of that fence?

Is it a replacement? Is it an idea? Is it really what we want? We often as humans sit and wonder is it better on the other side of the fence? Do we cross it? More often then not, we are dreamers.  Our imaginations are amazingly strong when we open our minds and let them go.

Try this climb back down your ladder put away your binoculars, look around at what you have and dream about what you already own, what is in your life, let yourself go in your already made world, your predetermined life you have already planned for yourself.  You will find faults on the other side of the fence, you find holes, glitches, blemishes in your imaginational life you have created on the other side. Only to realize that you have the greener side of the fence.

Death

Her knuckles turn white as she grips the steel blade in her hand.

She looks down and watches like a raging river, blood pump through her viens.

In one fluid motion, like a hot knife to butter, the blade connects with her flesh, quickly it splits open.

The blood she watched earlier, begins to flow from the opening on her tiny wrist, as if a dam had been opened.

She slowly closes her dark blue eyes, and with every beat of her heart, she can feel the life escaping her body.

She begins to take shallow breaths, counting down the seconds, knowing that sweat release of death awaits her.