Memories

She reached up for my fingers, her tiny little hand fit perfectly in my palm.  I looked down at this beautiful creation.  Her long brown hair was straight and stopped just at her shoulders.  Those amazing green eyes stared up at me, begging for knowledge.

“Daddy, I love you!”  A smile formed on my lips.  Hearing those words from this perfect tiny being, this little human I created with my wife made my heart skip a beat.

“I love you too kiddo.”  I grabbed both her hands and started twirling her in a circle.  Her feet lifted off the ground and her laughter was like a sweet melody that danced across the wind.

I slowed down only to allow her feet to graze the grass before they lifted off again. Just as we had lift off I looked up and noticed her mother staring at us both with that look in her eyes.  The look she got when she first saw me holding our daughter.

She smiled. “Are you two ready?”

I stopped twirling in a circle and tossed our little girl on my shoulders. I started to walk back towards the house.

“As ready as we can be sweetheart.” I smiled and stopped dead in my tracks, because there in front of me stood the perfect woman.  She had a passion, a fire about her that I have failed to find in anyone else. 

Her slender body leaned against the doorframe.  Her arms were crossed not in a defensive manner but a relaxed pose.  The skinny jeans she wore hugged her hips and legs perfectly.  Her worn brown converse shoes were tattered but she always said it is what gives them character.  Her eyes were a stunning grey but she loved to fight me that they were blue.  Her hair flowed down her back and rested at her waistline. My heart skipped a beat every time I laid eyes on her.

I walked over to her, pulled the precious cargo off my shoulders and sent her in to the house to get her coat.  I place my hand on the doorframe and leaned into this amazing woman. I gently pressed my lips to hers.  She wrapped her arms around my neck and melted into me.  I placed my hand on the small of her back and pulled her as close as I could get her. 

“Mommy, Daddy I can’t find my coat.” We both giggled and looked down at our little girl.

She pulled away from me. “Come sweetie, lets go check in your toy box.”

I watched the two most important women in my life walk upstairs.  A few minutes later I got a tug on my pants.

“Daddy look, mommy found my coat.” She hugged my leg and ran out the door.

I chased her to the door; she bolted down the stairs and skipped across the yard.  She started singing to herself.

“Daddy, Daddy come push me.” She hopped on the swing and stared at me with her big green eyes and a huge grin on her face.

I jogged over and grabbed the chains that held the swing above the ground; I pulled her back and let her go.  She started laughing.  Her tiny fragile body cut through the air like a hot knife to butter.

“Daddy look at me.” She started pumping her legs out of rhythm.  Her purple converse shoes were untied and her shoelaces were slapping her legs.

“I see you pumpkin, Good Job!”

The sun illuminated her hair brining out the streaks of natural red as her hair flowed through the breeze.

In one fluid motion she jumped from the swing, ran up and slapped me on the leg.

“What was that for?” I stared down at her with a glare of disapproval.

“Your it daddy.” She turned and ran as fast as I have ever seen her run.  She ran past the play equipment and was headed straight for the street.

“STOP Baby, STOP!” I was screaming at the top of my lungs.

“I can’t stop the baby is coming no matter what.”

“Just hold her in for a few more minutes were almost there.” Her breathing was more labored, and the thought that this was it made my heart race faster then ever.

I pulled into the maternity ward parking lot. I stopped right in front of the door, jumped out to help my wife out of the car. God she is amazing carrying life inside of her and yet she still manages to take my breath away.

I got her inside and they took her straight to a room.  She got changed and was trying to get comfortable when they walked in with a huge needle.  I got the privilege of holding her as they got the epidural in place.

Not even ten minutes later she started pushing.  I stood right by her head and brushed away matted hair off her forehead.  She screamed in pain.

“Two more pushes and she will be here, hang in there sweetie.”

She looked up at me and smiled, I gently kissed her forehead.  She took a deep breath and one hard final push my daughter; my baby girl was brought into this world.

She came out letting the world know she was here.  How could something that tiny be so loud?  They placed the carefully wrapped bundle on my wife’s chest.  Tears began to flow as I watched for the first time my wife and baby girl together.

“Here, hold her, hold your daughter.” My wife extended her arms holding the cargo.  I gently slipped my arms in and swooped up this precious gift from God.

She opened her eyes, and stared up at me.  For that split moment I never thought I could love someone so much in such a quick time.  I pulled her head close to mine and kissed her little flushed cheek.

“Daddy loves you kiddo, now and forever.” I looked down at her tiny doll like face and at that moment she smiled at me.  My heart melted into goo and I knew she had me wrapped around those tiny little fingers.

Two days later I was loading my women up in the car.  It was a dream come true healthy wife, healthy baby girl.  My wife insisted that she sat in the back for babies first ride.

“Everyone set?” I looked back as my wife buckled her seatbelt and gave me a thumbs up.

We made it out of the parking lot and to the first red light, it turned green and I started to go when I heard the screeching of tires.

She was paddling her bike as fast as she could.  Her bike flopped from side to side as her training wheels did their job.

She looked back at me. “Daddy I am doing it on my own!”  I started laughing as I watched her little pink princess helmet bob from side to side.

I ran and caught of with her. I could hear she was out of breath.  It was hard work for a little girl.

“Are you ready for a break princess?” 

“NO!” She screamed at the top of her lungs, and looked back at me.

“Watch Out!” As she turned the corner her bike slammed into the car and flipped her bike over.  She lay there for a second before she got up.

“I am sorry Daddy.” She tucked her head down, and started crying. Huge tears rolled down her cheeks.  She turned and bolted down the driveway before I could say anything.

I saw the car coming out of the corner of my eye; it was driving way to fast.  I screamed for her and started to run towards her.  She stopped in the middle of street and stared at me.

“I said I was sorry daddy, please don’t be angry with me.” She held her hand out towards me for acceptance, for forgiveness.

I reached out to grab her only to feel cold steel brush my fingertips.  I could hear the crack of my little girl’s bones as she hit the front of the car.  The tires came to a screeching halt.  I looked up and in that split moment I watched my baby girls body fly into the air and hit the ground with a deafening thud.  My heart stopped beating as I ran to her side.  I scooped her up and wiped her hair from her face.  I held her tightly to my chest.  I could feel her heartbeat slow.  The tears poured from my eyes.

Her green eyes that were full of life was draining right in front of me.  Blood was pouring from her nose.  I wiped it away gently.

“It is okay kiddo, daddy is here.”  I started to rock her slowly; I stared up at the dark clouds that began to form overhead.  The clouds opened up and the rain began to pour. It was like God himself was crying for me.  Why? Why my little girl?  I then heard this tiny voice, the sweet melody I thought I would never hear again.

“Daddy I am sorry, please don’t be angry with me.” Her tiny body went limp in my arms.  I pulled her close to my chest.

I leaned down and kissed her rosy cheek for the last time and whispered in her ear. “Daddy loves you now and forever.” 

I could hear the sirens, as they got closer.

She popped through the doorway of my office.  She was all decked out in her fairy wings and tutu.

“WOOOO, WOOOO, look daddy I am a fire engine.”  She spread her arms and ran around my desk making her siren noise.  I started laughing and scooped her up in my arms.

“Time for bed kiddo.”

“Aww, but daddy can I play for just a few minutes longer?”  She batted her long eyelashes at me.

“No, sweetie, we have a big day ahead of us, we need our rest.”

She sighed “Fine I will go to bed, if you read me a story.”

“Of course.” I grinned, I flew her upstairs and into her bed, removed her wings and tutu and hung them on the bedpost.  I tucked her in, layed down with her and read her a story.

The next morning I awoke on my stomach.  I could feel this weight on back.  Then the tickle of hair on my cheek, little fingers tapping my shoulder.  I turned my head to see my daughter staring at me with tears pouring from her eyes.

“What’s wrong pumpkin?”

“Daddy, I have been watching you day after day.  I can see the memories you play in your head.  I can feel the pain and see your tears.”  My heart sank.  I kept the memories of my daughter close to my heart.  She was my life, every time I hear a siren, screeching tires, laughter of another child, I think of her.  Her bright green eyes how she was full of life.  How in a split moment it was taken away. 

She kissed my cheek. “Daddy, I am okay now, please don’t cry for me anymore. Mommy needs you and so does my baby brother.”

I looked at her with a puzzled look. “You don’t have a baby brother honey.”

She took my face in her little hands.  “Yes I do daddy, he is in mommies tummy.” She pointed at my wife laying next to me. “I love you so much daddy, its time you let me go.”

“I love you too kiddo, and always will.”  The weight was gone, and I woke up and sat straight up in bed.  My cheek was still wet.  I looked over at my wife who was sleeping next to me.  I leaned over and kissed her stomach.  The pain was lifted, and new hope began to grow.